The Easy Place

The Quest for Self Awareness One Moment at a Time

I Hate Myself

 As I write this, one of my neighbors, someone I’ve never seen, is screaming “I hate myself” at the top of his lungs. His pain and anger flow through our little neighborhood like the howls of an animal that’s been hit on the freeway. 

He shouts this every day, his voice piercing though my double pane windows.  He used to yell in the mornings, early, as if he was berating himself as he got ready for work.  Now he yells throughout the day; I worry that he’s lost his job.

As alarming as my neighbor is, his cries have a familiar ring.  I know what it’s like to feel that I’m not enough, to feel like I’m drowning in my flaws.  It may not hit me hard enough to make me scream out my window, but I know that empty, hard feeling of lack when I allow the berating voice in my head to take over.

The flip side, the easy place, lies in the realization that what we hate about ourselves, our mistakes, faults, and failures, are simply containers for the knowledge we need to learn and grow.

My neighbor is a constant reminder of the pain of living in the hard place.  When we hate ourselves for our imperfections we shut down, and when we shut down we lose the ability to do the repair work necessary to move on.  Our failures aren’t meant to be carried with us until we end up screaming out our windows.  They’re meant to be mined for their wisdom and then left behind. 

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6 responses to “I Hate Myself

  1. Debbie C February 3, 2010 at 8:08 am

    Beautiful post, M. Thank you.

  2. zingtrial February 3, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    Nice blog will come again that is if you don’t mind.

  3. Sharon February 3, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Melinda,
    Great contrast between “the hard place” and “the easy place”. Thanks for a good read. I’ll visit often!

    Sharon

  4. Dawnika February 4, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    !xcellent article! Good message to keep in mind. All my best to your neighbor.

  5. kim boucher March 11, 2010 at 5:30 am

    Nice posting……..the pain in your neighbor is felt here! Must also feel challenging to listen each day…..

    Thank you for being you! Kim Boucher

  6. Anuj July 5, 2010 at 2:15 am

    Hi Melinda,

    Seems like you are portraying a life very close to mine…I think the most interesting learning that I have got from the last para….When we hate ourselves for our imperfections we shut down, and when we shut down we lose the ability to do the repair work necessary to move on… But I still do not find a way to open up to my imperfections & flaw…and do the repair job. It seems like a black hole with no exit door and u are trapped for the rest of your life.

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